You might feel just as anxious as many of your students on the first day of school. As teachers of little humans, though, we all know that the first day of school brings excessive anxiety for some students. Children who have spent very little time away from parents over the summer, shy students, and highly anxious students are at risk for showing signs of distress from the moment they enter the classroom.
In the midst of greeting your new students and parents (ahem…. chaos), juggling all the demands of establishing routines and procedures, and helping your students feel safe and welcome, here are three quick and easy steps that you can use in a pinch when you’re faced with an anxious student who is having difficulty calming down.
At first glance, this might sound difficult or confusing, but you don’t need to be a trained counselor or psychologist to use this technique. It simply involves making observations about what you see. “I can see that you feel really sad today, Heather. I wonder if you might be worried about how you’re going to make it through the day without your mom.” This gives your anxious student the gift of understanding, which might be all she needs. When that child knows you understand how she feels, she will be much more likely to connect and calm down.
Whether you want to share a time when you felt the same way or to validate their feelings, an empathic comment provides further confirmation that you understand their plight. “I know it takes courage to come to school when you’re feeling nervous and scared. I woke up with butterflies in my stomach this morning, too! Do you want to spend a few minutes in the cool-down corner?”
A tough morning at home, a playground squabble, or a schedule change can send a child’s nervous system into overdrive, and once that happens, the lesson plan becomes secondary. Before kids can listen, focus, or problem-solve, their brains and bodies need to feel safe and settled. That’s where self-regulation comes in.
Self-regulation is the ability to recognize what we’re feeling, understand what our bodies are doing in response, and choose a healthy way to respond. For adults, it’s a lifelong skill we’re still refining. For kids, it’s brand-new territory — and one of the most valuable skills we can teach.
In reality, children need to learn self-regulation… how to manage their emotions. If you are a classroom teacher or a homeschool parent, your children could benefit from these posters that teach them to cool down, solve problems, and take care of their own emotional needs.
As adults, our job is to see emotional upset as a teaching moment. We can coach children through their upset and teach vital social-emotional and self-regulatory skills.
There are inevitably students who take longer to respond, and it’s okay to walk away from the student, even if the tears and distress continue. The most important thing is that you’ve acknowledged the child’s feelings and offered empathy and redirection. It’s a good idea to continue connecting nonverbally with the child throughout the day by offering a pat on the shoulder, eye contact with a smile, or a thumbs-up. Even if it appears that no progress is being made with that anxious student, you are inevitably making a huge difference in that student’s experience.
After a healthy 5-10 minutes with the parents in the room, I kindly let them know that I appreciate their walking their child to class, but that it’s now time for us to begin our day. Students who are crying and latching on to their parents especially need their parents to leave. It WON’T get better if the parent hovers over the child or sneaks around in the hallways. The sooner they leave, the better.
Kudos to you for choosing the most important profession in the world! Whether it’s the first day of school or you have a student who regularly struggles with anxiety, hang in there! You have the potential to transform a traumatic experience into something really positive for that child.
I am Kirsten Tulsian, an elementary educator with 18 years of experience as a teacher and counselor. My passion lies in empowering students to discover their inherent brilliance through the use of engaging, rigorous, and meaningful activities. I look forward to connecting with you!
